I've been thinking about the nature of caring about others. Why is it that some people are so reliant upon being cared for, while others would rather the total opposite. I think perhaps it depends of self dependency and how much stock you place in others.

Lately, I've been being scolded by my best friend for caring about him: 'You're not my wife...you're not my mother.' I've never tried to be anything other than his friend and yet, I consistently get scolded for caring. Perhaps, it stems from being let down in the past. Or perhaps there is just a void of others looking out for others over here. Is this a place were people simply look out for themselves first and foremost?

I'm beginning to grow weary of constantly being told off for caring about the well-being of others. I don't really understand how that is a bad thing. But then again, maybe its just a cultural thing I have yet to understand. Or maybe its just him.


I'm not entirely sure. I just know, I wish he'd let me in, because I'm outside waiting patiently.



H x

I've been more than a little behind with this.
I need to get back into the swing of writing.


Sunday night it snowed in London. 12 hours and 8 inches later, London came to a halt. Being Floridian, I've never had a snow day before so, more than anything else, it was a novelty. I was willing to endure the cold just to play in the heaps of snow that had arrived overnight. Apparently, it was a novelty for the Londoners too though, as they seemed to abandon all hopes of doing anything and simply shut down for the day.

I'm told it was the most snow London has seen in 20 years and I feel rather excited to have gotten to be part of it. I went to the park with some friends and we had a bit of a wander. That was when I realised my boots have no grip and that snow may be fun, but ice and sleet is not. As I tripped and stumbled my way up the hill to see a panoramic view of London blanketed in white, I began to get apprehensive about the journey back down. I had flashbacks to my hike up Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh when I accidentally wore flip flops, again with no tread--I had thought I'd live on the mountain forever. Eventually, I did get back down through the snow, but carefully.

What they don't tell you about snow is that snow on Monday means ice on Tuesday. When I woke up for work, I found that London had turned into a massive city-wide ice-rink. Have I mentioned I can't ice skate? With no handrail along the side of the road to guide me safely to the train station, I shuffled along and feared I would be late for work. I was nearly at the train when I realised the ramp to the platform was very downhill and very steep. I grabbed the handrail that actually was on the ramp for dear life and slowly slid along. Unfortunately, I slipped and nearly cracked my head open as I began to fall backwards into the pavement. This is why I don't ice skate--I have no grace. Traumatized, I made it safely into the train and vowed to only take public transport until the city thoroughly thaws.

I will say this though--despite it all, snow days are far more fun than hurricane days. Fact.


H x

It's strange. Today is the first day that I'm finally beginning to feel as though I'm finishing my educational career. It is the first day that I don't have any required reading. None. Forever. Yesterday I had a lecture on Michael Ondaatje's The English Patient and that was it--The end. All that's left is my dissertation and then I'm on to the real world.

It's odd though, isn't it? For the better part of 22 years, I've been told I should read this book or that book (and I've enjoyed quite a lot of them), but from now on I'll only have to read something because I choose to, not because I'm being forced to. Did you ever find that when a class assigns a book it tends to be a struggle? The fun seems sucked out because you know there is an impending quiz, paper, or exam in the not so distant future and instead you worry about whether or not you should be paying attention to the colour of this minor character's skirt or that car's license plate number? Will we be tested on this?? But when you read the same book for fun, it's, well, fun. From now on, all books will be fun.

Ironically, I've just started reading The Best American Non-Required Reading 2006. I've had the book on my shelf for about a year now, and I've finally found the time to delve into it. I'm going to re-read the Harry Potter series soon, my first time since book 7 came out, since I always read the entire series together. I can't bring myself to read just one of them or to read them out of order. I've got some other books in the wings as well, books which have been residents of my bookshelf for far too long: The Kite Runner, The Dream Life of Sukhanov, Bird by Bird, The Idiot's Guide to Catholicism (thanks, Josh). And I've got some recommendations to get through too.

I welcome your suggestions as well. After all, I've got all the time in the world now.

H x

This 'post a week' idea isn't going very well is it? That's why I've decided to write this now...even if it's not necessarily London related.

The time is 4.15am. I have been awake for the past 45 minutes...tossing and turning in bed, not sleeping, and wondering how much longer till my alarm goes off. The answer at this moment is 30 minutes. Does anyone else find that when they have to be up much earlier than normal, they can't sleep properly? I think subconsciously I worry I'll miss my alarm or oversleep or the power will cut out or some unknown entity will sneak into my room and turn off the alarm and then sneak back out. Regardless, I'm meant to meet a friend at the airport at 6.30am and I've only slept 3 1/2 hours tonight. And now my body is rejecting sleep because it thinks I'll miss my wake up call. This will not be conducive to work...I can feel it already. I have a 4 hour shift this afternoon/evening and no good will come of this. Damn internal alarm.

Time to try and salvage a few more moments of sleep. I apologize for any incoherence in this. I blame it on my lack of sleep and the early hour...or perhaps the 2 glasses of wine I had before bed.



H x

I had heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder/Depression (SAD) in the past, but I think this is the first time I've ever actually experienced it. I never knew it was possible to be sad because there is no sunshine! Apparently, the lack of light and sunshine during the winter in very northern places creates unbearable lethargy--and London is one of those places. For weeks, I was suddenly tired and napping during the day, I couldn't get myself out of bed in the morning, and I was sleeping a good 7 or 8 hours...a decent amount for a post grad student, I think! A few of my friends have commented that they had been napping a lot more than usual and we've all decided that we have SAD.

So, how do I combat this thing that NEVER happens in sunny Florida? Well, Wikipedia says (and we all know that if Wikipedia says it, it must be true) that light therapy is all I need. Alright, I think its time to shine a bright light on me for hours at a time. Or maybe try going to a tanning bed for the first time in my life. Then I'll be happy, awake, and bronzed.

Well, luckily, I didn't have to figure out what source of light to blind myself with because for the past 2 weeks the sun decided to come out of hibernation and do it for me. I'm not kidding, when it's sunny in London it's blinding. It's as though someone decided to shine a bright white light in your face and no amount of sunglasses or visors can block it out. And magically, I wasn't tired. I feel as though I've gotten more done in the past two weeks than I have in a while. I've been writing, reading, and getting out of my room on a daily basis. I've found random London things to do throughout the day and night and everything has seemed really great. I even wore my sunglasses.

But then today happened--Valentines Day. I think maybe the weather knew how depressing today is for most people and decided that instead of just the singletons being depressed, everyone should be. I pulled back my curtains this morning expecting the blazing sun that I was growing used to, and instead found gray skies and bitter cold. My motivation for the day really did go right out the window. I don't think I even left my room to start doing homework until about 2pm. And my friends have complained about accidentally napping today too. It would seem we may all be relapsing into states of SAD. How very sad indeed...

Here's to hoping that tomorrow brings more sunshine...or maybe just a really large flashlight.

H xx

Hello!

I thought it best to write a bit of an introduction here, just so people who may stumble across this won't be too lost. Basically, I'm a Floridian living in London while I work on my masters degree in creative writing and I thought this may be a good way to help me write more frequently. I'm hoping to write at least once a week about what it's like to be an American in London. I've been a self professed Anglophile for over a decade now, but this is the first time I'm really getting to live in London like a Londoner. I've studied abroad before, but this time it's just me vs London. I'm hoping to write about cultural differences that I expected and things I never thought would happen.

Basically, I'm hoping to write about London.

Until then,

H xx